Feed You Up
by macgyvershe
Summary: What if Sherlock finds love in his heart for John. What if John loves Sherlock, but not in the same way?
1. Chapter 1

**Feed You Up**

John noticed that Sherlock was eating better and was actually looking like a real human being and less like an ethereal creature from outer space. He was curious to know what had changed about the world's only consulting detective, but he was loath to ask. Sometimes the truth from Sherlock Holmes was like taking an acid bath. So, no, he wasn't going there.

"So you're thinking I've put on a few pounds in the ensuing months that we've been together. You are thinking _what has changed about Sherlock that he is now eating and still able to maintain his sharp mind and laser intellect?"_

John looks completely dumbfounded. "How could you possibly, wait, I really don't want to know. I don't want to add mind reader to your list of unbelievable talents."

"John, as ever, you are delightfully easy to read and as you know I'm a speed reader."

John smiles, closing his eyes and shaking his head, "Sherlock you continue to amaze and amuse me, making life a never-ending roller coaster ride rife with fun and games."

Now Sherlock smiles and lifts a biscuit loaded with jelly to his beautifully formed lips.

John is silent, knowing that when Sherlock wants to he will reveal all, in volumes.

Sherlock finishes his biscuit making little comfort noises as he downs the very last crumbles. He lifts and savors his tea, viewing John over the steaming edge of the cup.

"I've found that besides being a luminous conductor of energy, light and thought, you John, are a bloody appetite enhancer. I seem to be hungrier when you are around. I seem to be able to digest and think at the same time; something that was a bit difficult BJW."

"BJW," John queries?

"Before John Watson," Sherlock smirks a bit with his acronym. Before you came into my life things were difficult and I have to say that I struggled with many elements of interactive communications. I found the world more of a mine field than the labyrinth that it is now."

"Well, I can hardly wait to find out what else I will become for you, Sherlock." John grins ferociously and giggled just a bit as he tucks into the remainder of his breakfast.

"I can hardly wait too, John." Sherlock looks at John: comfortable, cuddly, dependable, faithful and reliable John; a man who would die for him. John was the one person in the world that Sherlock would give every ounce of his life to save as well. Sherlock had feelings for John. Longings, undeniably love and Sherlock wasn't sure that John would be comfortable with his feelings._ Will you become my love, Sherlock thought? Will you love me as I love you? _


	2. Chapter 2

**Feed You Up pt 2**

How to breach the subject? Be forthright. Bring the subject to the forefront. Begin, but what if John was too uncomfortable to accept Sherlock's feelings? He was after all a heterosexual man. Given his many female partners it was easy to deduce that John was excellent sexually. That is why they stayed. They only left when John couldn't give them the completeness of all of his time. He was too busy giving that to Sherlock.

So heterosexual male, what could Sherlock offer him that he couldn't get from his female partners? Sherlock was inexperienced, not at all confident in this 'not his area.' He'd never even dreamt that he'd need sexual skills, never thought that 'area' was going to be vital. He'd deleted it all way before he'd hit his teens.

Did he want physical love, sexual love? What did he want? More than what he already had? He had complete loyalty, reliability, steadfastness. He knew John loved him in every way that mattered. What more could he ask for? The whole concept bollixed up Sherlock's mind. He had to sort this out. What could he give John? What did he want from John?

This was deliriously demented. Was this what love was, an insanity of the heart that infiltrated the mind and soul, reducing them to emotional rubble? Was that the problem?

Confounded emotions! He'd been better without them or had he? What had his life been like before John? He'd moved forward. He'd made progress. But now it was light speed ahead. Now it was lights shining in each and every corner of his shadowed mind. Now, with John at his side, there was no stopping him. There was no end to his deductive reasoning. It was like John was that tiny missing part of Sherlock. That simple part that made the whole engine run on plasma particles and not whale oil.

"I could never go back to the past, John."

"What? Sherlock, what was that in reference to?"

"John, have you ever wanted something from someone, but were afraid to ask because you weren't quite sure what it was you wanted?"

Sherlock had John's attention. He put down his fork and lifted his tea cup to his lips. Sipping slowly on the nice hot tea, John could feel that this was something Sherlock was struggling with and, let's face it; Sherlock didn't struggle with much of anything.

"What are you trying to say, Sherlock? I'm not sure I understand what you are trying to express."

"Feelings, John. I've got feelings and they crowd out everything from my brain and make me an idiot and a fool."

"Feelings, what kind of feelings are giving you such torment?"

"My feelings for you, John, I love you." There he said the words and he said them with all the emotional empathy that he could give them in his solid baritone voice.

John cleared his throat and lowered his eyes momentarily. Then brought his gaze up directly into Sherlock's eyes; those mesmerizing crystal blue, electric eyes that took John's breath away with their intensity, the way he looked at John, only at John.

"I think we both know that there is a love that exists between us. I think we've both felt it from the beginning. But I've had nothing to hang my hat on Sherlock, since from the beginning you've told me that you weren't interested in partners at all. So I just dropped all mention of anything."

"So you feel it too, John?"

"Like a lump in the bed. It's always there just under the blankets." John said a wry smile on his face.

"But I'm not sure what I want John?"

"Maybe because you've never had any kind of relationship before, that would make it difficult to determine what you need? You can't know what you are missing if you've never missed it."

"John, could you stand up?"

John could see that this was important to Sherlock and he sure as hell felt it was important to him. He stood, moving away from the table and pushing his chair out of the way.

Sherlock stood and came to him. His eyes were scanning John looking for any sign of hesitancy, any discomfort at all. He didn't want to force John into anything he wasn't comfortable with. But he had to know, had to find his way in this.

Sherlock was way too tall. So he came down on his knees before John there on the kitchen floor and went to hug John from the floor.

John stopped him. "No, Sherlock," John said assuredly. "We are equal no matter the height differences between us. We will always be equals, Sherlock, always." John easily lifted Sherlock to where he loomed the normal six inches above John.

John hugged Sherlock. Sherlock hugged John. Letting go a deep relaxed breath Sherlock felt totally at ease and found wetness forming in his eyes.

"John, I'm not sure what is happening. My eyes are forming tears, but I'm not unhappy."

John pulled away so that Sherlock could see his face. His eyes were incredibly shiny and wet with…tears. "Those are tears of joy, Sherlock. We've finally come to where we needed to be."


	3. Chapter 3

**Feed you up pt 3**

"But where do we go from here, John?"

Sherlock had never been one to regard emotional issues with anything other than distain and since John had joined him, he conveniently handed over matters of that nature to him. Knowing that John, upfront and honest, trust worthy and true, John, would handle everything for him; not so now.

"I've dabbled in relationships, John, but they never really took. People always want me to change and be 'normal' for them. I can't change who I am, not even for you."

"That's the really great thing," John said with a beaming smile on his weathered face. "I like you just as you are Sherlock. The only things I'd like to see move a bit around is your penchant for bad health habits, but even there you are eating more than you did when I first met you. So we take things slowly and do what we are comfortable with."

Sherlock took handfuls of John's jumper and pulled him into a long and rather passionate kiss. When he broke the kiss, John had a startled look upon his face.

"Or we can just jump right in there," John said happily as Sherlock ventured another kiss this one more mind blowing than the last.

Again Sherlock finally relinquished his lip lock of the century and looked at John's overwhelmed expression.

"Bit not good?" Sherlock was loath to stop his kissing.

"Good. Very good and for someone who's had little practice you are quite invigorating and sexually stimulating." John said looking down at his very stimulated body.

Sherlock was in a rejoicing modality and was as turned on as John was.

"John, tell me what you want, I'll do anything, anything at all. I'm so not used to all of this. I feel totally out of control and yet I want more of whatever this is."

"Maybe we should slow down, take a break," John was so not wanting to completely traumatize Sherlock by plunging in head first, so to speak.

Sherlock didn't want to hear those words.

"John, I have lived without this all my life. Now I've found someone whom I can feel comfortable with, I don't want to go slow. I want to devour, to drown, to dive into the very depths of these erratic and mind numbing feelings."

"Okay. Fine. Okay." John was a bit overcome by the nymphomaniac that he'd created. I think we need to adjourn to the bed room and get comfortable and just see where it all leads.

Sherlock lifted John over his left shoulder in a fireman's carry and quick stepped down the hall to his bedroom, ducking down to clear John's body through the door frame. John was totally blown away by his take charge attitude.

"Ah, I have to make a quick trip up to my room." John said in his captain's voice. "We need some lube and some condoms."

"I understand the need for lubrication, John. But I've no desire to have sex with anyone else but you?"

"Unfortunately, I have had sex with other people and it's been a while since I've been tested. I don't want to give you any transmittable diseases Sherlock."

"Ever the Doctor," Sherlock smiled. "Well hurry up then." Sherlock pressed John out of the room.

John took the stairs two at a time and grabbed his necessary items and returned to find a nude Sherlock pacing about the bedroom. He just stops in the doorway and leans there watching this idiot that he'd love almost from the moment they'd met. How lucky he was, how extraordinarily lucky to know this genius of thought, who was a virgin in so many ways, a child with a man's body.

"John, there you are. Hurry up, please disrobe. I want to resume the kissing thing immediately."

Literally, Sherlock begins to pluck and pull at John's clothing and divest him of every stitch he has on. John deposits his necessaries under a pillow as Sherlock literally lifts him onto the surface of the bed and lays himself over John and continues exactly where he'd left off out in the living room.

Snogging Sherlock was the greatest thing that John has ever experienced. Yes, he's inexperienced, but what he lacks in experience he makes up for in over-the-top enthusiasm. John knows he's learning as he goes, cataloging and collecting data in every single moment. So John lets Sherlock get it out of his system. He takes everything Sherlock has to give and takes it and takes, thinking that maybe he will die of excessive snogging.

When finally Sherlock slows his aggressive kissing, John steps in and gives Sherlock a lesson in finesse. He takes control, rolling over on Sherlock, not in a dominance posture, but merely as teacher to very strange and sumptuous student. Now above this beauty of a man who has claimed his heart and everything that goes with it, he brings all his experience, his compassion and love to the uninitiated Sherlock. He shows him that love is tenderness, playfulness, and an endurance that makes for a timeless love.

Sherlock looks at John in a whole new way. He sees a man of infinite patience. A man who loves him with every fiber of his being. He finally sees a lover that he never thought he'd ever have and he wants so very much for all of this to never end.

"Make time stand still, John. I know you can." Sherlock says in complete truthfulness.

"Yes, love, of course I will." John is so competent, Sherlock knows he will make it so.


End file.
